so i met a girl...

i decided to take a break from the slightly melancholy overtone of my last post and thoughts to bring you some unexpected news and emotions. so i met a girl this past week. and what's so different about meeting any one girl than any other, you might ask? i don't know really. there wasn't anything overly special about the girl, the scenario, or the circumstance (the who, what, why,) but rather i think it was the feeling i had afterwards.

that was an overwhelming feeling of optimism. and genuine excitement. and downright giddiness.

brief background story - i'm 31 and separated. what that means is by law i'm still legally married. what's important to note is that i've been separated for roughly 18 months. and in those 18 months i've started to heal from a broken heart. i haven't been with anyone for 18 months, haven't even wanted to the first year. i can count on two fingers the times i've even openly flirted with a girl and asked her out in some fashion. the opportunities just haven't been there, but i'm trying to change that.

fast forward to the present time. in trying to "get out there" i've been attending these readings/writings/storytelling shows that are held monthly on certain nights in local bars here in chicago. they're awesomely entertaining. but they're also a great excuse to just get out there and be around people. that's where i met her.

i'd seen her before a couple times at some different events. (she's somehow apart of the shows or maybe just a fan of the events like me. but she's way too cute/pretty to maybe talk to. oh well, if i get to meet her, great. if not, meh. but man, i wonder what she's all about?)

so here we were on tuesday: my friend dave and i were going to a storytelling show, we're walking up the stairs, and lo and behold, there she is stamping hands at the doorway. i smile and hold up both fists not knowing which should be stamped. she smiles and says either one.

throughout the show i glance in her direction all the way across the room. she's mingling, taking pictures, listening to the stories. i actually point out to dave how i think she's cute though i'm not convinced he remembers who i'm talking about. at intermission as i'm talking with some girls from my recent storytelling workshop, i turn to my left and see that she's made her way over by me and is talking with some people she knows, and my friend dave!

end of the night rolls around. me and dave are chatting with some people, and here she comes and is standing next to me on my right. hi. hi. handshakes. nice to meet you. small talk. conversation.

some highlights: eye contact.

"you took the class i took? the month before? does that mean we're gonna be in the same show?"

"you're 31? me too!"

"you don't look 31."

"you don't either."

haha.

"i'm not really working right now."

"i've been there - i was laid off recently."

"but i'm thinking of becoming a teacher. probably high school history."

"i teach high school english!"

whoa.

"i used to live in the city but now i'm in the burbs and i hate it."

"which suburb?"

"bartlett."

"i grew up in bartlett!"

double whoa. and more hahas.

hug.

there was so much more in the conversation, and it was good conversation. i remember a lot of it, even though it was such a blur. lots of smiles, laughs, things in common. it was the longest me and dave ever stayed around after these events. (kudos to dave on playing the wingman and distracting scott and johnny.)

we've agreed to meet up and help each other with our stories for our show next month (along with the others in our classes.) i'm also seeing her again on monday at this event she told us about and invited us to. i wanna feel her out a little bit more before i make any moves. (did scott just walk by her and graze his hand along her tummy to move by, or was it there a half-second longer than normal? hmm...) still, i may be new at this, but dammit if wasn't picking up some strong signals. we'll see.

and the best thing was that it was out of the blue. totally unexpected. it was a pleasant surprise to have met her and talked to her for that long. and because of that, i was normal. i didn't freeze up or get nervous and awkward like i do around pretty girls. it allowed me to be myself and i played it cool. well, cool for me at least. but i think the feeling was reciprocated and so the conversation just flowed. and from there, i was smitten.

...and i think i'm gonna ask her out.

p.s. - so remember how i talked about risk in my last post? this falls into that category. i want to ask her out, and i don't know if she'll say yes. see, i've been paralyzed by fear of rejection all my life, which is why i think the overall feeling is so striking to me now. because i've got a good feeling about this, and i'm hopeful she'll say yes.

i also touched on some of my background personal life. i did not do it justice above because there's just too much to go into. that's what i wanted to write about in this space if not for this unforseen happy moment. but i do still want to talk about it because it's important to me. for now, let's just say it does not define me in any way, but it does explain who i am now. more to come.

lastly, i'm hopeful to see this girl two times this week. if all goes well, i'll ask her out to dinner. wish me luck.